It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
im holly from the hills drunk
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
