I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
