Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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