Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
