Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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