Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
