i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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