He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
