the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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