omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
