After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
