After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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