So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
