sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
