so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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