I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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