You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
