He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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