I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i dont even know how to be here
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
