Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
