I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
