im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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