My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
