Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
