I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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