The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Let's get the cat blown out
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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