I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
