It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
