it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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