Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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