i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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