i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
