I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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