Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
