I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
