No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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