Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
