i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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