i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
as a side note pls kill me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
