i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
