Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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