South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
please come you make the beer taste better
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
