i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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