oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
