I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
