Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Oh god it's open bar.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
