i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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