His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
