Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
