so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
