I got chris browned last night
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
